Darling, you looked perfect on your eyeglasses. I like how it blended with the color of your skin. I love how its shape emphasized your face. I just can’t describe how your chiselled nose looked even pointy with how the feet of your glasses fit in it. Your little eyes grew a bit and I can see it now clearly. And then you smiled, you looked so kind. You just melted my heart and I felt like the curve on your lips dug my inner soul. The butterflies in my stomache calmed themselves and just flew swiftly along with the wind passing through us. You started talking about how you understood the things around us. My heart, for a moment, skipped a beat while hearing how your voice formed an orchestra in my ear. I just listened while you were describing every detail of the world where we are right now. With every story you tell, I’m shading colors on the drawing book in my head. You laughed in an instant, and I felt like, I heard my favorite song. Oh, how perfect you were to me. You rarely laugh but this moment, you made it like a treasure. You added another diamond in my chest. Then, you slowly filled the spaces between my fingers with yours. I knew the moment was perfect. I just knew how deep the world had planned for this. Darling, I knew I can’t let you go, ever. I knew you’re the one I’m going to spend my life with. I knew it’s you. So darling, please wait for a while until I can handle the monsters in my head. Please stay; wait for me until we’re both ready.
She wouldn’t tell you that she’s not okay; she would wait until you realize it on yourself. She would rather listen to you while you were talking about how your day have been and would tell you you‘re going to be okay if it wasn’t remarkable. She wouldn’t ask help from you because she knew you‘re going through something really hard and she doesn’t want herself to be your burden; she would carry on alone even if it‘s too hard. She‘s just too good at pretending that you would never realize she‘s dying inside.
You‘re seeing each other everyday and she looked so happy— like it was so true; no doubt would ever come across your mind much more because she hadn’t said anything to you. When you asked her how did her day went, she would only reply, “Well, it‘s fine. I survived the exam. We‘ve done our report. It was a great day.” But . . . please, look her in the eyes and ask her one more time. You need to know that she‘s sick. She wasn’t fine.
You need to know that it wasn’t a great day for her. Her teacher scolded her for being late but she didn’t know that she woke up late and tired because she hadn’t had a sleep at all. She went to bed early last night but her monsters were too loud and noisy in her thoughts and she just couldn’t shut her eyes. And in the morning, her bed was like a large magnetic field she can’t get up from. Her head was like a parachute flying in the air— drowsy and light.
It wasn’t a great day for her. Her classmates just set a prank; made her like a laughing stock. Her seniors humiliated her at the stairs; called her with names she couldn’t imagine. She run upstairs, trying to get away from them but she stumbled at the door and found herself stuck in the midst of knife-like stares.
She survived the exam with a score that killed her intellect. She could hardly concentrate while taking it— she studied her lessons last night but she just couldn’t concentrate because of the noise filling her head. The scene she was in earlier kept on taunting her, and in her mind, she can hear them laughing at her. She‘s devastated.
They‘re done with their report but she knew, unlike her groupmates, she couldn’t have a nice grade for she hadn’t said any word during the reporting although everything that’s in there was her idea. Her teacher said the content of the report was brilliant but she didn’t know that she was the one who prepared it. She can’t defend herself because people barely recognize her as a human.
There wasn’t a great day for her ever. And when she went home, her mother shouted at her with the word she would never thought she would call her— “stupid”. She was the failure, the disappointment, the waste— she was never considered as valuable.
But you have her now. She considered you as her only friend. She was so happy that she had found someone like you who never judged her for being different. But that wouldn’t be enough. Please, tell her, she has to live. Tell her that no matter how cruel life has become, she can still look at it in a positive way— be a blessing to her.
And lastly, please tell her you love her. She‘s been longing to hear it from anyone. She wouldn’t care if you mean it or not. What would matter was that, once in her life, someone had really told he loved her.
— Vvdly Written
I sat there and listened with the silence brought by the winds. The morning reached my spine with its blow as if the dews seemed to wash my soul from all the frustrations I met yesterday and days earlier. Somehow, I would convince myself again that it would all be fine— like what my friend told me with the same case as mine— but the vivid sceneries of how I failed and how I disappointed myself was more convincing. And I can’t help it— that‘s eating my brain flesh.